Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dream a Little Dream For Me....

Imagine this.  If I didn't homeschool, what would I dream of doing?  That's the question this week from the TOS Blog Cruise.  I've been thinking about this question for weeks.  I've relived some childhood and young adult memories of all the many things I dreamed about becoming one day....

dancer ~ gymnast ~ actress ~ nutritionist ~ pediatrician ~ psychologist ~ teacher ~ nurse

As I grew into a young adult my dreams changed and were attached to whatever "job" or life choice I was currently involved in.  They became less about who I would be inside, but rather what I would be known for.

successful ~ wealthy ~ independent ~ controversial ~ in control

Can you tell I was living for myself and not for a Savior?  I didn't give my life to Christ until I was 27 years old.  I had not yet found contentment, joy, purpose, self worth or passion for life.  In all my dreaming I never knew who I was in Christ....until I found Him and He showed me.

When I was saved at the age of 27 I had a great career.  I was making good money, living in my own apartment, and savoring my social life.  I was also depressed, lonely, confused, and ashamed about my life and my choices.  My dreams were empty because they were mine and not God's.
All the dreams I had before seemed so frivolous now.  They had no meaning.  They were empty.  God began to show me who I was truly meant to be and who He could help me become.  Jeremiah 29:11 came to life before my eyes as I discovered that my plans were not His plans and His plans were so much better!

For the first time I had dreams of
HOPE and a FUTURE

When I was 29 I met my amazing husband and we married.  When I was 30, we had our son.  I was still in the middle of that amazing career and I was heading to the tail end of graduate school.  The plans I had made were getting ready to unfold and the future I had built was mine for the taking!

Then, that little boy stole my heart in a way I could have never imagined.

Suddenly, nothing else mattered to me.  My sole desire was to be Curtis' wife and Matthew's Mom and that was enough for me.  So, I left my career when Matthew was only 1 1/2 years old and I never looked back.  Matthew went to a private Christian school for Kindergarten and 1st grade.  My husband always wanted me to homeschool Matthew but I wouldn't stand in agreement with him.

I was scared.
I was insecure.
I was selfish.

In the middle of his 1st grade year, the Lord woke me from a dead sleep and told me to homeschool Matthew.  I knew at that very moment that my purpose was unfolding.  God had a plan and I was finally willing to surrender to it.  At that time I could have never imagined how amazing, how fruitful, or how blessed my life's journey would become. 
Through the fear....
                    Through the sacrifice....
                                        Through the blind path...
I discovered who I am and I caught a glimpse into the depth of my Father's dreams for me.  I'm so grateful that I was willing to jump off that scary cliff into the world of homeschooling.  That may sound extreme to you, but it is an exact description of how it looked and felt like to me.  I have the best job.  I am my child's teacher.  I get to see him grow and change every day and not miss a moment.  I get to teach him, along with my husband, the true meaning of love and life through Christ.  I listen to his dreams, his prayers, his fears, and his hopes.  I am blessed.  I never would have dreamed that I would be entrusted to such a huge responsibility.  It's humbling.
Thoreau said "Live the life you've imagined".  God's Word says live the life I've imagined for you.  I choose God.  Because, as you have seen in the earlier part of my post, my imagination was not comparable to the awesome plan God had for me.  Some may say I am being naive.  Some may say I am denying myself other possibilities.  Maybe it just sounds lame and boring.  I say that I am currently living my dream and it doesn't get any better than that.  At this very moment I can not imagine doing anything else with my life.  I am completely content with my "job" and the choices I have made.  Will that change in the future?  Maybe.  Only God knows and I pray that I will always be listening for that. 

Do I still dream?  Yes!  I would love to travel for leisure, go on mission trips, be a foster parent, start a food pantry for working families....the list goes on.  But, even those dreams involve homeschooling.  I guess, for me, homeschooling isn't just about lessons in math and science, but it's about lessons in life.  Every day and every moment is our classroom.

I'm so glad God "Dreamed a Little Big Dream For Me" 

If you are curious about what my fellow Crew members are dreaming about, just click HERE.  What do you dream about?  Please leave a comment and share!


6 comments:

  1. What an awesome post and I'd say it has everything to do with the question of the week. Dreams, prayers, and wishes do come true....there just may be a twist in there somewhere :)

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  2. Beautiful beautiful beautiful post from the heart! I love it Doreen!!!

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  3. Wonderfully written, thoughtful post! Thanks so much for sharing it.

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  4. That was an awesome "Dream."

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  5. Terrific post - very heartfelt! Kids turn life 180, but God knows that. Thanks for the uplifting post!

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  6. Great, heartfelt post! Thanks for sharing what God has done in your life! :)

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